finished the Bringing up Bebe book.
Again, I find myself agreeing with the simplicity and flexibility that they present. I like the concept of allowing kids little infractions, as kids are wont to do, ( sort of a wink and nod approach, I saw that misbehavior but...) because kids test boundaries and by allowing the little battles to slide you have more energy for the big ones. I like the setting of expectations of behavior in small bites as they grow. You don't expect a 3 yr old to sit for a hour long meal but you do expect them to sit for 15 min and try at least everything on the plate, not the north american "CLEAN THAT PLATE OR ELSE".
It just seems to be a gentler, more consistent approach to raising a kid. Its kind of what we have been doing all along and it's nice to have some ideas on how to do things as he gets older.
I also like their emphasis on "don't praise the kid for absolutely everything all the time". It sounds mean, but again, praising them for every little thing doesn't give the same thrill as when they really do something smart. It does say THANK a kid for doing the right action/behavior, but not the "here's your award for showing up" praise.
My aunt in Nijmegen did this with her kids. Pepijs and Florijn are allowed to run ahead but they instinctively know, because they've been taught, how far they can go before mama calls them back. They know that the cola served at a special lunch is an occasion, not every day treats. ( though the book does delightfully advocate that kids get a small bit of sweets daily because otherwise they become sugarobsessed monsters and THIS I have seen. my aunts kids were proudly described as "NEVER HAD CANDY EVER" and guess what, confronted with a wedding cake with gumballs on the table they were the ONLY kids to get their fingers into it.)
There's this concept of "here's the framework of behavior we expect from you" but then there's plenty of room to veer from that and come right back to it. I like the emphasis on greeting people "hello". Its done all over wherver we went. Goededag! in Netherlands. Hello in london. Shalom in israel. Greet people with respect in shops and in visiting. ( I've slipped from the habit since coming home from europe but it stuns people when I very politely and directly DO thank people who hold open a door for Stirling and I and his stroller.)
I wasn't looking for a rigid parenting set of rules, I just was curious about this, given my experiences with how kids are treated in europe vs here and reading more about the how and why, I'm "yeah this works for us." I'm not stressed over organic or non organic, or montessori vs public ( our public schools are just fine). We already break convention here to some degree anyway. But consistently people comment on how alert and calm Stirling is through all the city chaos.
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