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Jun. 25th, 2010 02:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nicosianMy personal life is a complete disaster at the moment. R and I had this massive thing that he's grieved and moved on, and I am here, in this mess now. Its not going well. I suppose it'll work itself out. I dunno. I'm still too shattered to make sense of it. I'm angry, i'm depressed and I have to basically put on the face and go on because well, I should be over it, right? there's nothing wrong! be happy!
All while I contemplate a swan dive off the balcony. There's no fucking use in any of the support groups, all cloyingly named "mommies of angels Loss group" not "the world fucking blows and you suck eggs support group."
So here we are.
I'm not strong. I'm faking. And I'll tell you I'm OK because that's what I do.
There's a lot of unresolved shit we have to deal with, r and I. He doesn't say anything and I stopped asking, because I don't get straight answers. I just had some of my future plans shot down because finally when pressed he has an opinion. I really feel pretty fucking alone most of the time so I operate that way. It's kind of shit right now.
Went to ikea today, yawn. Got my ring order and intermediate dutch book, and strolled right on past the g20 security muppets with a scowl on my face, in black, and stuffed a box in my backpack. Not even a hint of suspicion. police state my ass. Of course they have to protect from violence and protesters, it'd be stupid of them not to. I frankly don't care, I have bigger issues on my plate than the worries of some heads of state.
All while I contemplate a swan dive off the balcony. There's no fucking use in any of the support groups, all cloyingly named "mommies of angels Loss group" not "the world fucking blows and you suck eggs support group."
So here we are.
I'm not strong. I'm faking. And I'll tell you I'm OK because that's what I do.
There's a lot of unresolved shit we have to deal with, r and I. He doesn't say anything and I stopped asking, because I don't get straight answers. I just had some of my future plans shot down because finally when pressed he has an opinion. I really feel pretty fucking alone most of the time so I operate that way. It's kind of shit right now.
Went to ikea today, yawn. Got my ring order and intermediate dutch book, and strolled right on past the g20 security muppets with a scowl on my face, in black, and stuffed a box in my backpack. Not even a hint of suspicion. police state my ass. Of course they have to protect from violence and protesters, it'd be stupid of them not to. I frankly don't care, I have bigger issues on my plate than the worries of some heads of state.
