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Aug. 12th, 2012 05:09 pmAnother FB discussion today where someone lobbed the "but you're just judging people's kink!" thing over 50 shades.
I AM NOT JUDGING KINK. I'm not sayin BDSM is bad. I'm not side eyeing anyone who participates. I'm not judging if you like it vanilla, in the dark and dead silent. I judge NOTHING if its done between consenting adults.
I have no "insider cred" into the culture. I have friends who are much more in, and I'm not unfamiliar with both the ways and limits of human biology and sexuality, and of human psychology and sexuality, and I'm NOT unfamiliar with the extensive flavors of kink.
I judge NOTHING.
I judge out of that book, the idea that a more or less asexual virginal dipshit who has never used email or internet, and is unaware of so much as her nipples, never mind her cunt, can suddenly be swept into a consenting relationship of kink and rocketing multiple orgasms from the word go, without so much as a how do you do.
I Judge that people think a dominant is swoon worthy because he repeatedly ignores his submissive's boundaries and needs and desires, and apparently uses sex as a form of abuse, because she doesn't want to see him: storms over to her house and assaults her ( its not sex, its assault), defies him at a gathering, hauls her to the boatshed crying and fearful and terrified and assaults her. She gets pregnant, he gets ragey and smashy. This isn't a dom for anyone, this is a petulant brat who just wants everything his way or else.
The female protag voices worry and fear and hesitancy and "this is bad, this is very bad" and yet....
Aside from which the writer doesn't portray much OF kink, as far as I've skimmed, its a tale of a man with issues ( becauses ALL kinksters are just damaged souls) who is redeemed by twu wuv of a pretty passive vanilla girl.
No.
NO NO NO NO NO. I know, this goes on in real life as people with less than honorable intentions use BDSM to do just this, but for the fact suburban goddamn housewives are thinking this is hotness? COME ON.
Where's the female protag's ownership of her own sexuality? oh, right we hammer the message home that girls shouldn't have any, and that simply being forced and degraded absolves them of any responsibility or guilt for having taken said control.Lets present THIS to our daughters in fiction as an ideal in chaste twilight and this fanfic bullshit, moms.
What I wrote: two characters who are careful and skilled, and a female protag who isn't completely starry eyed. She knows what she wants from them. they give her respect of boundary and consent and time to decide things ON HER OWN, they don't coerce or force. They screw up. They apologize. They provide after care, they treat their sub with respect, and its not this screwy imbalance where anyone is abused. Is it an idealistic portrayal? maybe. But its a fun and hot one, i think rather than reading what sounds like a british writer portraying an american adult by means of selfishness, brutality and abuse.
But for fucks sake, I'm not judging kink. I'm judging the idea that 50 shades is a portrayal fit for the masses.
( my mom has been reading the damnable book, and I no longer fear what she thinks if she gets ahold of mine. If equitable, balanced and consentual kink erotica is an issue, well, bummer. I will say she reacted most awfully to my being that way as a teenager. Yes. I liked sex. No I had no shame or guilt. Yes I was safe about it. And she was so stunned she punched me. Newsflash, i didn't change.:D I'd teach a daughter of mine to have the same sense of self and sexuality, because we could really be done with this whole shaming of girls crap. I judge the novel for persisting in the portrayal of the ideal female in a sex story as this newbie who needs to be broken and trained for others desires.)
I AM NOT JUDGING KINK. I'm not sayin BDSM is bad. I'm not side eyeing anyone who participates. I'm not judging if you like it vanilla, in the dark and dead silent. I judge NOTHING if its done between consenting adults.
I have no "insider cred" into the culture. I have friends who are much more in, and I'm not unfamiliar with both the ways and limits of human biology and sexuality, and of human psychology and sexuality, and I'm NOT unfamiliar with the extensive flavors of kink.
I judge NOTHING.
I judge out of that book, the idea that a more or less asexual virginal dipshit who has never used email or internet, and is unaware of so much as her nipples, never mind her cunt, can suddenly be swept into a consenting relationship of kink and rocketing multiple orgasms from the word go, without so much as a how do you do.
I Judge that people think a dominant is swoon worthy because he repeatedly ignores his submissive's boundaries and needs and desires, and apparently uses sex as a form of abuse, because she doesn't want to see him: storms over to her house and assaults her ( its not sex, its assault), defies him at a gathering, hauls her to the boatshed crying and fearful and terrified and assaults her. She gets pregnant, he gets ragey and smashy. This isn't a dom for anyone, this is a petulant brat who just wants everything his way or else.
The female protag voices worry and fear and hesitancy and "this is bad, this is very bad" and yet....
Aside from which the writer doesn't portray much OF kink, as far as I've skimmed, its a tale of a man with issues ( becauses ALL kinksters are just damaged souls) who is redeemed by twu wuv of a pretty passive vanilla girl.
No.
NO NO NO NO NO. I know, this goes on in real life as people with less than honorable intentions use BDSM to do just this, but for the fact suburban goddamn housewives are thinking this is hotness? COME ON.
Where's the female protag's ownership of her own sexuality? oh, right we hammer the message home that girls shouldn't have any, and that simply being forced and degraded absolves them of any responsibility or guilt for having taken said control.Lets present THIS to our daughters in fiction as an ideal in chaste twilight and this fanfic bullshit, moms.
What I wrote: two characters who are careful and skilled, and a female protag who isn't completely starry eyed. She knows what she wants from them. they give her respect of boundary and consent and time to decide things ON HER OWN, they don't coerce or force. They screw up. They apologize. They provide after care, they treat their sub with respect, and its not this screwy imbalance where anyone is abused. Is it an idealistic portrayal? maybe. But its a fun and hot one, i think rather than reading what sounds like a british writer portraying an american adult by means of selfishness, brutality and abuse.
But for fucks sake, I'm not judging kink. I'm judging the idea that 50 shades is a portrayal fit for the masses.
( my mom has been reading the damnable book, and I no longer fear what she thinks if she gets ahold of mine. If equitable, balanced and consentual kink erotica is an issue, well, bummer. I will say she reacted most awfully to my being that way as a teenager. Yes. I liked sex. No I had no shame or guilt. Yes I was safe about it. And she was so stunned she punched me. Newsflash, i didn't change.:D I'd teach a daughter of mine to have the same sense of self and sexuality, because we could really be done with this whole shaming of girls crap. I judge the novel for persisting in the portrayal of the ideal female in a sex story as this newbie who needs to be broken and trained for others desires.)
