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Mar. 4th, 2012 10:44 pmi can't wait to lob this fucking netbook into the lake. fuck you windows. fuck you HP and your incessant "updates" that if I install, will buggerfuck things worse. I learned this the hard way in Haarlem when I went "OK!" and spent the next three weeks cursing in several languages.
Went to the studio, finished as well as I could, the pyramid due tomorrow.
And on cue the "you suck" demon comes out swinging for my failure to be perfect. Add in a husband person who's kind of flat affect most of the time, but woe if I get mad or frustrated its a personal fucking failing, but in him its just work stress. Woe if I misstep, make an error fail to be perfect. I swear, i should either be a raging chain smoker or an anorexic, or a meth addict because WOE IF I FAIL TO be a graceful, calm, perfect human being.
And then I get razzed if I'm happy so basically I just can't win either way. If I'm happy something comes flying out of left field like an airborn cuisinart to completely shatter that too.
Whatev. Brutal long day of class looms tomorrow, a 3 hr practical exam part one, a brief respite, a 1 hr class of presentations, and a 2 hr jewelery history lecture.
Tuesday is the second portion of suck, where I get metalfinishing with Martha who will again look at me with "YOU DISAPPOINT!" for failing to perform as if I've been doing this for 30 yrs.
I still have rivet tubing to make but thanks be all the folks who rushed tech office for gear and don't use it, 10 kits, 50 students...yeah fuck. Gonna be staying late tues/wednesday to finish that.
For now? a tiny bit of fiction writing and then a long hot shower and bed.
Song for the day: Seabound, The Promise " did we just learn to walk? we're dancing I'd say". Just like that line.
Went to the studio, finished as well as I could, the pyramid due tomorrow.
And on cue the "you suck" demon comes out swinging for my failure to be perfect. Add in a husband person who's kind of flat affect most of the time, but woe if I get mad or frustrated its a personal fucking failing, but in him its just work stress. Woe if I misstep, make an error fail to be perfect. I swear, i should either be a raging chain smoker or an anorexic, or a meth addict because WOE IF I FAIL TO be a graceful, calm, perfect human being.
And then I get razzed if I'm happy so basically I just can't win either way. If I'm happy something comes flying out of left field like an airborn cuisinart to completely shatter that too.
Whatev. Brutal long day of class looms tomorrow, a 3 hr practical exam part one, a brief respite, a 1 hr class of presentations, and a 2 hr jewelery history lecture.
Tuesday is the second portion of suck, where I get metalfinishing with Martha who will again look at me with "YOU DISAPPOINT!" for failing to perform as if I've been doing this for 30 yrs.
I still have rivet tubing to make but thanks be all the folks who rushed tech office for gear and don't use it, 10 kits, 50 students...yeah fuck. Gonna be staying late tues/wednesday to finish that.
For now? a tiny bit of fiction writing and then a long hot shower and bed.
Song for the day: Seabound, The Promise " did we just learn to walk? we're dancing I'd say". Just like that line.
