Took the monster to the aquarium. On a holiday monday. A vaguely stupid idea but we had fun.

And realizing lately how little I ever have in common with my west coast friends. I don't think it's me or them to blame, entirely. Its us. I was never a hippie earth girl shambala rave burning man kombucha and yoga person.

And they think Toronto is the shittiest city and every one in it sucks and is mean. "except you, nico". So I'm kinda watching these relationships drift away and I'm ok with that really.

One snotted "I liked halifax when I visited." ah. See. You visited. In summer. in tourist season. Try moving there and being a CFA, try the brutal battleaxe winter that makes the polar vortex a walk in the park.

But hey, what would we know. None of you visited US, but I made the effort to go back. It's always me trying to maintain friendships that don't seem to reciprocate.

( and I'm vaguely fracked off that people beg for the novel and then never bother to do even a one line review. It makes me feel...disrespected.)

Meh. What do you do with all this friendship dead-weight?
We've finally escaped the brutal winter only to jump right into muggy heat. Like, spring was all of one week here. Gag. AC please?

Finished huge batch of necklaces and now that con production is rather under control, writing again. Saw my Amazon pages and the nice little reviews ( AWWW) and the people posting on my FB that they can't wait for the next ones, and I'm feeling quite good about that.

Send copies to 1: the person who saw the honest to gods earliest first ever appearance of Sascha ( same name) and I hope she likes what he evolved into. And to a friend who is/was in the kink scene to some degree so I do hope she likes them too.

We took S to the comic arts festival and it was insanely crowded. Which is good. I joked I should have written a graphic novel perhaps. They got better attendance than the word on the street which is mostly occupied by religious groups, libertarians and vanity press, and they cleverly stuff the actual writers off behind the food trucks. We talked about a booth again this year but at this point I honestly don't care if R submitted the app or not I'm tired of fucking asking.

He's been getting home later( by about 30-45 min) and it seriously fracks me off. I'm exhausted by 6 and when we're hanging, waiting, an hour's a long time. I don't GET downtime with the kid, I mean I'm always here, and I get a nap maybe but I never seem to get an afternoon off for myself and he got the entirety of HotDocs and ok, sure we had to scramble during school but even then....I dunno. I guess I need to ask for that time.

My aunt was in town and OH FUCK ME. She's just....I swear...I don't know... stupid? She doesn't like cabs, they're expensive. She didn't like the airport shuttle: driver was not helpful ( she's kind of meek and people misunderstand her), and she doesn't like subways or transit. She cannot seem to function without a car. Then she shows up at lunch the other day wearing FOUR lightweight jackets, and a ballcap and scarf and glasses. It was just the fucking wierdest. It wasn't cold out either, and here's she's dressed like a fucking homeless person and at lunch NOTHING met to her liking and the clerk at the store said "no worries" and she was all a flutter over that. I mean, I kinda bitch sometimes but she was...I swear to god I don't even know, she used to be more mentally on the ball. She then tried to give S some potato and was "I don't know how to look after a baby!" lady, you raised two. Granted, neither of them are particularily brilliant, one's a hippy stoner and the other's a douchebag stoner.

Of course her husband, my uncle, is this nutty Type A guy and I can see where a lifetime with him would break anyone. They're both crazy. Small doses with them. She showed up at the birthday with gifts even though I really insisted on none, and uh, a sample tube of bath wash, knitted fuzzy slippers and a promo free tote from some random place? It was just plain bizarre.

Then she asked about buying my sterling and garnet bracelet. I priced it at 250. I know she won't buy it because of reasons and so I didn't even respond. She can well afford it(much like affording a cab in the city if she wanted) but I suppose Hans would flip a fucking table if she did spend money.

Not that he's better. During the calgary floods my mom asked him if they were ok, because Mom and brent have pump equipment Hans could use. Hans was "nah we're ok" even though I know and we all know he's in the fucking floodplain and mom was "ok, and half way home, when hans called her and changed his mind so mom had to backtrack 4 hours to get the stuff to them. Yeah she was PISSED. If he had accepted when she offered it would have been an hour's drive.

This is the guy who ripped me a fucking new one for not carrying on the back of a bike, in the dark on city streets, two lawn chairs after the folk fest because I was unaware they were ours, and that it was on me to carry them? Did I mention it was the first time I'd ridden a bike in a decade? Yeah.

So yeah fucking crazzzzy.
went to the drop in parenting center with S, its basically a playroom with lots of toys for the not quite ready to attend school set. S might be the youngest that goes.

But ARGH. The fucking bitchymamas that go there. Good fucking god. They're rude to the immigrant mothers, they stand around fretting about whatever damn woo bullshit that crosses their mind and how "parenting is SOO important" while their darling shit of a daughter snots off and talks really rudely to me and Stirling and throws a snitfit when she thought someone said someone else was smarter than her. Horrid child.

They don't seem very welcoming of S and I, and haven't been. I tried to join conversations but it's clear "we're not welcome" in the clique.

Fuck em. The director of the place adores Stirling and we're entitled to use the room as they are. We're allowed to go to the Y swim time if we like and if you don't want me at the popular table I rather do not giveth a fuck.

But it's good for S.

now if I could shake this brutal sinus-migraine, I'd be a fairly happy human.
nearly done this massive batch of necklaces. Tomorrow, another round at Service Ontario. Maybe this time ....

missed a bead show. Oops. Went shopping with Stirling. got him shorts, a cotton short romper and a swim-romper suit. Yay sales.

Friend is being severely harassed online and it's breaking my heart. I just hate that people think this is ok to do to anyone, ever.

Ok finishing pieces.
My birthday. I have all I could ever want.:D

And in two weeks mothers day. Call it commercial and fake, but its a day I've earned, and I never thought I'd have any reason to celebrate for myself.

Love ya, my sweet kid. Nothing better in this world.
Letter debacle:

I didn't get a "we're cancelling your coverage because we have an issue in your file" letter. r says he got one and one came for me he figured was un important.

All I ever got was the "your card expires on apr 28 2014 so get in and renew or we'll cancel". Ok, SoooOOo they cancelled my card BEFORE THAT? if they did, I'm going goddamn nuclear on someone because R has done this before with bills, they get stashed away and forgotten and nothing said, and the cancelling of my card weeks before I'm coming in to renew anyway? Are ye shitting me? Someone in this needs a beatin'.

So that's what I get to do on my birthday. Whoopefucking doo.

He managed to come in around 11 pm and wake the bug up, who managed to promptly puke orange on dad ( pasta sauce and formula slightly overfull child). hahaha. You reap what you sow...

Changed bug into clean sleeper and diaper and took a while to get the crablet down. He's getting two more teeth. And he's 29/30 inches tall. HOLYFUCK.I'm 64 inches? He's HALF MY FUCKING HEIGHT.He's not even a year old.

Slow it down, baby boy.

watching the measles outbreak in ab. Bug does not have MMR yet so if it's still kind of a concern I'll see about getting his done a month before we go, not days. Because argg. I'll beat someone if their unvaxed kid spreads it to mine who can't be vaxed yet. Sis's kid: dunno if he is or not but if its an issue still, I'll say "please don't come to the party." Because "Jenny Says Vaccines are bad" is no fucking excuse. Mama nico says "too damn bad, science wins"
"We are here to do business above all else. Customers trump bathroom breaks, food, water, friends, sickness, and holidays. Unless we are dead or impossibly far away, we will do everything in our power to take care of them."

From a chainmaille group I'm on. This was part of their litany of "rules" that seem hellbound arbitrary and strict. Is there any reason you'd want to treat yourself worse than any evil boss? Lard knows, my customers rock but there's LIMITS people.

Of course she charges like 300 bucks for a steel chain that should take a couple hours and 15 bucks materials and I sell for 80. 300? PLEASE BITCH. There's under pricing, then there's putting your prices so high you're offensive. Chanel you are not.

Its a good way to burn out though, so kudos on them. There's some hellbound american tendency I find, to find a near KLingon like sense of honor at working yourself to death at your own millstone.
i will, not even lying here, stab my husb in the eye if he doesn't fucking STOP with the second guessing of me.

I said I was going to renew my health card and looked over the "proof of me" stuff they ask and think yeah, think I got it.

Him "are you sure"
Me "yes. I went by their flyer they sent."
Him "I mean are you sure? Really?"

YES. would you like to check my fucking homework daddy?

He does this. I do something or plan something and he goes and questions/second guesses me every fucking time. Its driving me fucking mental. I'm a fucking adult, and I think if its not enough for the card renewal I'll fucking deal with it. Jeezus fucking fucking christ on a fucking pogo stick.

"The sky is blue."

"well its more of a cerulean."

Pick pick pick pick. fuck off.
amazed at how big S is, from his spindly newborn self. Almost a year old. I adore him like nothing else. He's fun. He's tiring, but he's wonderful.

9m checkup today and he's mr milestones and mr 80th percentile for head size, height and weight. He's not actually a porker, he IS long and ok he's got delightfully chub legs but he's not michelin man..

Got some extra meds for my allergies. Whee.

Went to the rom, didn't stay long due to abundance of hyperactive teens flooding the place.

Home. R hasn't paid the fucking visa bill since feb. And he gets squirrely when I mention getting my bench and torch. Too bad, has to be done.

In fall will try to pick up some PT work/seasonal.

We're not financially hurting, its just a tight month and at least we're not paying daycare cost or tuition anymore.

I just wish if something was bugging him we could talk rather than him being all weird about stuff.

Though without a bench and torch I have no idea what the point of that college program was for.....

Anyway. Doc's office gave me epic SHIT for not renewing my card. Been busy. I said I'd do it and they were "TODAAAAY". yeah right fuck you. They have an office with a step that's a bitch to navigate and for some fucking stupid reason they put a chair right behind one of the fucking doors. I wrestle the stroller in and smacked the door against the chair. By the time I left I didn't fucking care if it bothered them. Move the fucking chair. Make the office accessible. Jeesusfuckingchrist on a fucking pogo stick. Accessibility in this city is a fucking joke some days.

The doc's ok but I might look for a downtown located doc. I'm tired of shitty receptionists. only one's any good there and she wasn't on today.
got my last project back: 76% for something I went above and beyond. Yeah. FUCK YOU GBC. FUCK YOU IN THE EAR.

They turn out people who might be technically "perfect" but they turn out people who cannot function without handholding by a prof. I did it all on my own. Rarely did I run to them for help because they were too busy teaching some halfwit how to cut a fucking jump ring..AGAIN.

Not once did I score anything higher than a 75% in any project at the bench. Had I known it would be so with the chain, I'd have done one like everyone else, not all 3.

I'm not one of the "favored" third year grads, and even of that lot they had their golden students and they got all the hand holding.

I am simply NOT the sort that can turn out a piece, perfectly, after watching a demo once. Can't be. I need room to make a mistake and learn. And there's ok, no real room for that but no room for correcting errors either. I made errors by following their instruction when I started to question whether it was right.

They don't teach how to think, but I did come away with the skills I needed and I can run with it from here, and if they don't "approve", it doesn't fucking matter and it never did.

Onward to amazing stuff, freed from the constraints of the school. Bring it on.
Passed, graduated, done.

I was never the "best" goldsmith in the bunch, but not the worst, either. :D Some people had some freakish talent, and I'm slightly peeved that as much as my prof raved over my chainmaking, it wasn't showcased at all so ok whatevs.

And vaguely intimidated by some of the work on show but they did only 3 pieces the whole term and had professors handholding them at every step. Lets see how they roll in the real world where you can't work on just one item for months on end.

So anyway done. Name listed under graduate. I did it. I feel good.

not shocked at who didn't graduate, one girl who registers for her full courseload then drops half of them within the first week and doesn't even know if she'll be a jeweller, and who did: Doofus next to me? I have no idea how he pulled that off. How he'll function outside school is a mystery to me, because he spent maybe 20 min at his bench at a go, then an hour break.

The one prof who snapped at me for coming within 10 feet of her ever, didn't even look in my direction, neither did my gemsetting instructor, which is telling. My main prof? she was wonderful and gracious and I really respect her. Pavel the old polish guy who threatened to fail me was even civil. He said "all is ok, talked to S the nice prof". I stood my fucking ground and won.

I finished this despite huge odds of not finishing. And I'm fucking proud of it. My skills will only get better ( you don't expect me to be perfect after 16 weeks right?)

It took ten years to get this good at chain. I'm going to keep going, because i honestly love what I do.

Took S to the aquarium today where he finally clued in there's THINGS in those tanks. He glommed onto a plush octo and it wasn't expensive so hey, he got it.

And went out for a fantastic dinner with R after the show.

Just dropped S off at daycare for the last day of classes for me. (exam at 2, about to have a nap before I head up).

The other boy the sitter watches was in full scream. Because mumma had dropped him off while he was napping and he was upset.

We didn't really read parenting stuff when we were pregnant, and I was never entirely enamoured with the current love of Attachment parenting. I don't knock it if you do it, own reservations are thus:

I'm not sure its healthy for either momma or baby. I want Stirling to know we're always going to be available when he needs help, but I want him to learn from go, that he can indeed work some stuff out on his own. That we won't pave the path for him, but we'll hold his hand along the way if he wants it.

I've lost track of the times I've gently told him to "work it out" as he sits there grumbling at some task he's trying to accomplish. Even from very tiny.."work it out". He now is happy to play in his crib, self soothes, generally doesn't melt down like the end of the world when things are a bit off routine. He rolls with things.

We joke to him "sorry we aren't isolating you in a suburban nursery in silence." He's not bothered by the noise of the world around him. He's not bothered by little or even moderate changes in the day to day.

He does get crabby when he's really hungry but he is learning to cope and know we're not starving him if he has to wait 5 min. He's not fond of being messy-pants'd. He's a bit owly when tired. But he knows how to cope and he's getting better at it all the time.

He eats everything offered. Gleefully. Its never occured to him at some point not to? I dunno.

We seem to have mastered some strange combo that means this kid is laid back, and fearless.

Unlike the kid at the daycare who can't cope. He's always crying. Stirling? Oh he can put on a howl but he doesn't cry much. He sleeps through the night. He self-soothes. ( grabs the soother in his sleep, and he sorts himself out. Its hilarious to watch.)

He's happy. He laughs. he plays. He's good in public places. Ok, aside from recently deciding that an indoor voice is no good, he has to talk really loudly! again, funny as hell.

I question much of the modern parenting that isolates, coddles and shelters kids. It teaches them to be helpless, and unable to cope. Not what you want in an adult later.

( we started introducing tooth-cleaning to him. He thinks this is the funniest thing ever. The finger-brush with the kit is apparently very tickly.)
There's a woman on my fb who seems to think that, if you decide not to patronise a company for their CEO donating to or advocating something bigoted and awful and denying of human rights, you're being intolerant of his religious views.

Guess what, sweetcakes? You're a smart woman but honestly? if I don't want to buy bigoty chicken, or bigoty jelly beans or bigoty pasta, then that is my right. They're free to be happy lil bigots. I'm not obligated to hand my cash over to them when other companies manage to not be bigoty.

Stop acting like these people are so hard done by. You wanna deny your staff birth control which is frankly an over reach of an employer in the first place? You wanna donate to deny equal marriage? No. You can believe what you like. That line is right here _______________________

But you cannot cross into MY line ________________________________

and tell me I must abide by your religious ideals, or your beliefs. You cannot make laws enforcing YOUR religiousity because that tramples on everyone elses. You dont have to use the pill, eat pork or marry a gay man if you don't like it, but you cannot tell me I cannot do these things( ok marry a girl but whatev).

This woman howls "FREEEESPEEEEECH" as if we're stopping him from speaking. Free speech means the government can't come in and tell you what to say or not to say. It doesn't mean the public is obligated to entertain every halfwitted thought you happen to shit out. We're not obligated to agree.

No one's freedoms are being impinged on when I say "company X, CEO X, I don't use your services because I don't give money to companies I find offensive."

I don't use religious or gun iconry in my work, and I'm sure that'll piss off some folks because I also do pride jewelery. But hey, there's plenty of sellers who will cater to their little hearts, it just doesn't need to be me.

ChikFila will survive fine if I don't buy. So will plenty others. I just sleep better at night if I can at least not fund things that deny others their honest and legal rights.

But according to this woman, I'm the asshole. Sure. Ok. I'm in a fucking country where we legalized this shit and got the fuck over it. I'm sorry your "merica can't seem to shit and get off the pot on these issues.
If I've learned anything in this program it's "trust my instincts". Trust them when that voice says "i don't think this is the best way to do something even if the demo said so",etc....that small little voice in my head that speaks up when something just feels off about the process yet I trust the profs and their experience and...yeah.

And that while it may be fulfilling for some to make their own tools, it never ends well for me, its a waste of time and material and I know I should invest in the ready made one and save myself the battle.

And tooooo late, I should have trusted my gut and gone with my one of a kinds from my design sketches, not an abrupt 180 to meet the grad show entry brief of $300 or less, production.

Because all three of my pieces were rejected. "didn't fit." Well, if you mean production when the cases are full of $1500 one of a kinds sure. If you mean "diamonds, gold and pearl, when I used sterling, garnet, spinel", sure. If you mean "art pieces with wire work" where I did bold modern unisex statements, yes."

So basically I got the smackdown for not toeing the design aesthetic they push. I knew that was a risk.

And worse: people in 3rd year grad class were gritching that they didn't want to share case-space with someone else because "their stuff looks so similar to mine!!!" Google George Brown college jewelery" and hit "images" and you'll see some of the past grad show cards and you'll see what i mean.

here, I've done it for you:

So yeah. fuck them. I like one prof, but the rest can go fuck themselves. Two of em wouldn't piss on me if I were on fire.( to borrow an irish saying). I refuse to compromise my design ideas to them and they knew this and I guess I shouldn't be too shocked at the result right? I did obey the brief as presented, if they wanted something to fit the "look" of the show, or particular metal or gems, they should have specified. I am certain no 2yr grads got into the show tho. They honestly don't give a fuck for anyone but the 3yr program people anymore. Us 2yrs? we're nobodies.
I swear the next person who tells me "THEY say you're not supposeda do That!" with a baby is getting my boot shoved down their throat, out their ass, and shoved down again.

Seriously. Its as bad as the pregnancy don'ts. Don't feed them this, that everything. Bland food. No new food, this food that food. Strict regimens. We've already fed the kid peanut butter, banana, strawberry, egg yolk and white. Oddly, new research is indicating there's little reason to withhold peanuts unless there's family history of allergy, and that delaying it seems to be related with an UPTICK in allergies to nuts. ( A study of infants/kids in Israel where they get early exposure vs kids in britain, and there was a fairly large difference.)

don't use teething gel. Don't use frozen things. Don't go out with a baby when he's young. Don't let him touch anything that isn't sanitized. Good grief how did the human race survive so far?

I give him cold metal spoons to chew, and cold yogurt, but OH! yogurt and fruitmush are bad because baby will get a sweet tooth...Seriously doc? this kid will HOOVER down all that is offered. Meatmush, fruitmush, cereal. I just lie, nod, smile. Whatthefuckever.

And don't tell me "teething tablets". Stupid fucking crock of shit homeopathy bullshit.

Tylenol's not ok for his age either and I really don't feel like dosing him with that unless he's really ill.

I can see issues where people were trying to apply oragel by squeezing it onto the gums, but we used a tiny smear on our finger, not enough for him to swallow any of it. Fuck people use a fucking brain.

There's other reactions but they're also warned for adults too. And if he had an issue we're about 3 min from Sick Kids.

My doc is one of the by the rules strict sorts on baby stuff ( doesn't have kids) but the doc I had with THREE kids was way more realistic. I think in time we'll wind up looking for a new doc closer to us, because as much as this guy's competent, he's not terribly...warm. He's awfully aloof and distant and it's not a good set up. I lie to him "no sir we're not feeding him all this stuff" no sir no sir yes sir.

R and I are fairly educated. We read, not just what backs up our belief, we go and look at facts, consider the data, and make a reasonable decision. The odds of a bad reaction to teething go000 was people using TOO Much, and baby choking on their own drool, ( because people are fundamentally stupid and need to be told not to use a hair dryer while showering), and tylenol wasn't going to have an effect for 20 min or more so shall I let him scream in agony?

Rant sideline: we have such a fucking puritanical approach to pain relief. Heaven forbid anyone get pain relief because we'll get addicted. I have to fight to get it for my periods, and people suggest stupid things for S. We apparently fetishize agony.

I'm using my oxycodone sparingly so I can get some rest and function. The endo surgery didn't really do much so she's going to suggest drugs that I don't want, with worse side effects because fuck no, you can't have a dose of oxy or percocet once a month. That's gonna be a fun conversation.

When did we become a nation of fretful nitwits? I found myself in a pharmacy at 11 at night with a howling child and he's NOT the howly sort and you want me to offer him a cold washcloth? fuck you.

the recommendation is that you don't use it, ( because people apparently squirt the goo directly in, I think) and to use it sparingly if you do. Lo.

Tiny dab. Swipe on sore gums. Instant non howly. Its not banned for use here, the warnings are still less stern, so the FDA can suck it. Put better dosing info on the pack.

( teething and endo. why the fuck do we not have better ways of dealing with this shit)


I think its criminal to sell homeopathic teething goo. So as long as that's on the shelves, I'll buy the real stuff because if they approve "natural" for use, then I don't trust their intelligence on much else.

"babies survived without oragel just fine". yeah. by screaming for hours and not eating. Sounds lovely. Sounds so good for their little mental health. Sounds wonderful in an apartment. Right. Fuck you sideways.

If the canadian health agency decides to pull it ( I doubt they will, the warnings are years old), I'll just hoard some.

Why can't people just use their brains?
I know.

Its been a while.

School. baby. The grinding cold of a long winter. Not enough hours in the day.

Internet issues.

Still. 3 weeks to grad. Bug's doing awesome. I'm almost done my projects for school, working on con stock, and once classes are done, start finishing the novel and novella, hit the gym, lose 20lb, travel to chicago, vegas, calgary and atlanta.

Anyway. Food. Sleep.

Boy was so tired after day care that midway thru his snack he was happily eating, he clamped his teeth onto the edge of the highchair tray and HOWLED. Laid him in the crib, soother, blankey, zonk.

I hear ya, kid.
Some kind of drama~! went down last week between the drop in playroom, some mothers and I think our daycare provider, but what it is, we have no idea, except for the odd glances between me or R and Stirling and the other mommies in the room. And F isn't watching A, the small girl anymore.

F, Stirling's caregiver, has 4 kids. And given that they're healthy and happy, I pretty much don't sweat shit, because seriously, she's got it down. She might do things a bit differently, but he always seems loved and clean and happy and safe and so however they get that way, I just don't really concern myself.

But I always get the impression that A's mom wanted more...her way. So I'm kind of not surprised. I dunno. I'm so fucking laid back.

I want a parenting group that's not yoked to a fucking ideology. All of them here were Yoga-cosleeper-babywearer-non-vax-naturopathy-organic bla de fucking ideologyblah. No room for the stroller loving bottle fed vaccinated wingnuts. I just don't give a flapping shit HOW others raise theirs but I loathe the ideological parenting thing. I just cannot be arsed to get that stressed over shit, because he's just fine and we're not stressed trying to get the correct stamps on the perfectmommy passport.

But...there's no place for us in that mix, of the social cesspool that seems to be moms in this area. And I mean, there are babies and kids here, but we're so shut out of the loop.

We hated co sleeping, he hates being worn, we formula feed because that's how it had to go, and we don't worry about organic because it's canada and food's pretty safe anyway, and we vaccinate because that's smart. I just fucking hate yoga for so many reasons and it seems that's all that's on offer for mom/baby stuff.

I nearly kicked someone's yorkie today because they don't fucking leash the bastard. R's given the woman shit for it too. If you have time to dress puppypoo in a coat and boots, you can fucking leash it. Sera was being obnoxious today too, and I am still on the tail end of prednisone rageys. I'm tired of people who don't look where they're going. I'm tired of the fucking constant bitter chill. I'm tired of a whole lot of stuff lately. My patience is not a generous thing these days. * unless it's Stirling or R.*

If we could, I'd keep S in daycare 2 days a week but it's so fucking expensive. R's been a bit snappy ass lately too. ( mind you so have I. Its probably the stupid neverending winter)

anyway. All sleeps, so time for a hot shower and bed, really. BED. SLEEP.

Why does parenting have to be such a social nightmare? gahhhj.

8 weeks left of the term, SO much work. Just gonna slog on.( April 16th)6 weeks? not enough no matter how you slice it.

Stuff to etch and R has made ZERO move to get the images together so I'll have to clobber it together myself because that's how we roll.

Portfolio pieces to finish in the next 4 weeks. This week got most of my supplies in to GET things completed so it's onward.

All the anodized stuff is almost ready for that, and its a huge batch of dcon production done. ( after dcon may invest in anodizer myself)

Stressed with aging grandma and the possibility of a short notice flight to calgary and I just hope things go 8 more weeks. Probably, but it weighs on my mind. Do I take S with me? probably.

Then there's the reality of we HAVE to move to a 2br within the next year. Seriously. And that stupid behemoth ikea expedit. I might BEG my mom to come out when we do a move.

And then wanting to take S to europe to meet family. This is important to me as they hosted me while I straightened out my brain post miscarriage 3, but I want him to remember the trip too so probably when he's closer to 2-3 we'll do that trip. Travel will be a bit more expensive with three fares not 2 but at least hotel and food stay relatively the same. Maybe fall, or spring. We'll see.

Will take the boy to the pool here in a couple weeks, since he had SUCH a grand time splashing in the tub,we'll see how it goes.

So gooddamnnnnnfuckingsick of winter. Oh my god itnever ends.

S is eating like a horse, cereal and mushyfood and rusks and formula. We figured out the 4 am feedme's can be averted by cereal and formula before bed, and keeps that tum full.

Two new teeth creeping in.

Healing well from the surgery. SO very glad it's done. such a fucking relief to not have to worry about a pregnancy ever again.

Anyway. Shower. zonk. Classes start in the am, and I have a tiny supply run I might do on the way up to the college for some wire I forgot to order, and some tiny settings for stones. We'll see.

Novel: Starting as soon as the last of the anodizing pieces are done, 1000 words a night and finish them. It'll be a crush to get them done, but we'll do it because that's what I do.

I just look at the end: April, when I'm getting my fucking diploma and my boys are in the audience and I can go "I fucking toughed it out and did it."
So I never thought I'd have to teach a nurse about contraceptives.
And I never thought I'd have to explain to a childless woman why teething gel isn't the devil and quit judging...



Yeah. So that had to happen.

Good fucking gods.

If Stirling started acting like that it would be a fucking ISSUE in the house and would not fucking fly.

I know a lot of really honest, good, men ( husb included who raged more than I did at this discussion) and we will not raise him with a manly man privilege boys will be boys 'tude. OH no. Not even happening.

I'm thinking some kind of strict boarding school. Not a plushy swiss one, something like a romanian military boarding school run by stern nuns.

but seriously. I wanted to ask "and you'd be silent if you recieved this chat log? or if it was your daughter who did or your son who perpetuated "rape as a coercive tool" thing? really? That'd be ok with you? You'd tell your daughter to remain silent, lest she be seen as an attention seeker playing the victim?


I think I might have planted some seeds of edumacation in her brain but I'm not honestly optimistic she sees things differently at all.

Meanwhile boy is getting his top 2 front teeths. We went for a long walk. We got pearls and gems and metal. We napped. Surgeon called and my surgery was basically "textbook" and they removed some endometriosis and it all looked good from their perspective, which is always nice "hi we didn't find ufos or tumors", and I was actually a bit surprised the surgeon called me herself.

Oh and I came down with a mild lung infection post surgery but that's been drugged and dealt with and slowly recovering. I might be handing in a project late but i care-th not at this very moment.
tubes tied! no moar babbies.

I'm so immensely relieved that this is dealt with you have no idea.

Coulda done without the nearly 2 hr delay getting IN to surgery because OMG nerves, but so far I'm not in immense pain, just sore and tired and achy.

Little concerned how I'll manage the buglet when R's at work thurs, but we'll do it. Can't really lift heavy things for 2 weeks.

And a great ol WTF to the nurse who seemed to think that we'd still have more. TUBAL. LIGATION. CLOSED SHOP. Yay strange catholic-esque hospitals who, while legally cannot deny service, their staff occasionally have some funny ideas.

( we will be transferring our emergency/hospital care to Toronto General since its closer and not catlick)

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