[personal profile] nicosian
Today I'm tired. I can't post on reddit, he reads. I'm tired of feeling like a jobless failure. Tired of him coming home pissy and surly from work and yeah it sucks to telecommute after hours but please take it out on me.

Tired of everything I do being nitpicked because clearly I'm imperfect. I was half way through arranging cards in a 3 buck frame when he has to PICKPICK. It looked fine the way I did it. Apparently I'm fucking stupid.

Tired of him snapping at me because the baby gets some of his food on his hands.S grabbed the spoon full o mushy meat and veggies and R FREAKED, sighed, took the bowl. PICKPICK.

TIRED. I'm being pecked to death. Everything I do is up for quality inspection and scrutiny and critique and I'm SO fucking tired. I started thinking I was seriously ill because no one can be this tired right? I sleep 8 hours and I'm still ass-dragging tired. I'm so tired I want to cry. I started thinking tonight, just keep pushing asshole, and I'll fucking blow my own head off or something just to make this fucking nitpick and exhaustion stop. I cannot EVER WIN.

I seriously think about walking away when he's in these moods. I'm sorry I'm a fat, tired, unemployed person. I don't GET a chance to eat half the time and then it's shove something in my face and keep going. I could go get a job, if he doesn't mind that the entire salary would go to childcare or I could work evenings and never see anyone. I seriously want to drift him in the head with a frypan and go "if you think you can do a better job, have at it."

And I'm tired of picking up after him. I pick up after him, the dog, the baby, and one of those is perfectly fucking capable of putting his fucking dishes in the sink and empty soda bottles in the bin and for the LOVE OF FUCK its me he harps on for my jewelery supplies and I'm trying to get organized.

I'm just so fucking tired of this. I love my son but I'm clearly just a shit human being and who gives a fuck right? I'd LIKE to eat healthy and go to the gym but I never ever have time.

Its at the point where I don't want to wake up. I'm just that tired and feeling like shit. I try to be grateful and nice and what does it get me? SHIT ON.

Date: 2014-06-17 03:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] countessof-roth.livejournal.com
You are not a horrible human being. You are an exhausted mom. And as far as the weight gain- STOP being so damn hard on yourself.

You had the pregnancy from hell. With pretty much every fucking complication that exists known to man that could affect a pregnant woman, you had. And after that you had the delivery from hell. Major surgery with general anesthesia.

CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK. I didn't even begin to get serious about weight loss until i was a year post partum, and I had a relatively OK pregnancy with zee (minus the HG that thank G-d went away by 20 weeks) and an easy peasy delivery. And i had a lot more to lose than you, and my health was in serious danger.

Date: 2014-06-18 01:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dayglow.livejournal.com
What she said.

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