Jan. 20th, 2014

A discussion of the issues of infertility and ect on ontd political. The writer says some things that are a bit odd, but that aside, people are getting agast at her feeling like "less of a woman." well. It doesn't MEAN every woman's less if they don't have kids.

It means...you resent your body when it fails to do one thing you'd assumed it could. I felt it. I didn't feel like "less" of a woman, i felt fury, that the thing taken for granted was seemingly not to be. I was angry at my failures. I didn't do anything to deserve them. I didn't hinge my identity on being a mother or not, but i was angry, much like you cure a malfunctioning TV set.

And worse, for us, was that primary infertility, those things that IVF and the like offer hope, doctors like rock stars and ads in subways for fertility clinics offering grandiose hopes, not for us. Oh we could GET pregnant. Couldn't keep it that way. Not genetics or biology or age, but mere rotten bad luck at a cellular division level, not something written into our DNA, but the universe constantly misreading the blueprint.

So we were told "go forth and try again, good luck!"

I don't KNOW why this one worked. The odds were not in our favor.

And people go "ADOPT!" yes. Sure. upwards of 30k, lawyers, social workers, intrusive screenings ( and I do know why) but the massive backlog. 900 kids waiting. 5-10 yr waits at best, maybe 90 get adopted a year here because there's I think, TWO social workers doing adoptions in ONTARIO. ( as I read). I'd crumble to tears and I finally had to stop looking because the whole thing was not going to happen. Its not simply like picking up a stray kitten at the shelter. I wish people would understand that.

And then "well, the couple should have discussed this before marriage!"

Truth: unless you know you have infertility issues, you never see that punch coming. Few people really think it'll happen to them.

And counselling: they'll ask why you're so angry, that you just need to want it bad enough! that you need to be positive and imply that it's something you did or didn't do, think or say. They'll tell you you're the lucky one, you can at least GET pregnant.

Oh, LUCKY.

Anyway. There you go.

******

handed in gem setting project one, have the next TWO! on deck. I kind of like having projects frontloaded like this to be honest. Tomorrow start the gold/palladium box catch. working on side projects. Ordered UNHOLY amount of metal. Gotta work. Specialist wednesday for a tubal. After all that. hahaha. HELLS YES.

S was visited by one of the daycare reps to see how he's doing at Fatuma's and he's getting on well and she's very caring with him. poor fussbutt boy and his teething but the numbing gel did the trick. Poor buglet.

No matter how crummy a day at the studio ( and even then the bad days are mere meh, because I do love what I do), I'm happy to pick him up and see him. Its always a bit tricky to leave him in the mornings but it IS doing him good.

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