Apr. 11th, 2017

Soooo. LJ went the way of not good and I'm here. Once my entries export over.

One shitty interview, the first in MONTHS and it was...i mean it's clothing retail and it's a brand I liked a lot but the interviewer made a complete hay of my work gap "You did nothing in those...7 years"

Lady, I still have skills.

So I came home, vented, cried, and R just sat there. Mostly stunned as it was a sunday interview so he saw me go out prepped and ready and come home fucking crushed. He can attest, that I just didn't do a damn thing wrong.

Except answer questions clearly, thoughtfully and using experiential reference. No. It ALL came down to not the skills I can offer, but the "where I got them."

And that's the problem here. I can list the skills, and they're not from one spot alone. But no one here can read a resume and glean the picture of the candidate even if it's a fucking stellar resume. Nope.

So I went home shattered and angry. And I'm so tired of this shit, I really am. All I have, all I can bring to a workplace, doesn't matter because I had the fucking audacity to live life, to travel, to have a kid, to work hard, and it means nothing.

Of course, the other staffer on duty just stood around staring at the ceiling. Fuck, I can do that.

I don't have a car, and a house in the burbs. I didn't go from High School to College to university to baby. I took a bit of a scenic route, and suddenly that makes me fucking worthless in their eyes.

Toronto is SO utterly goddamn fucking conservative and I'm angry watching all my artist friends flee the city or find opportunities because no one ever asks a guy if he can manage parenthood and a career? and I'm ANGRY that I'm so shut out and I told r I really just can't be here and he stares. Do YOU NOT SEE me struggling so much?

I scrimp for every fucking cent to put to my work and I am TIRED of living off his pittances. I'm tired of going to events and he doesn't think we need to eat and I'm RAVENOUS as fuck and tired but he hasn't taken cash out to use. I don't have cash or credit. I am at his whim.

I'm SO fucking sick of this city that once I leave I hope the aliens vacuum this shit hole off the face of the earth like so much lazer hair removal.

July 2017

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