Jun. 30th, 2014

whoops. three weeks since last posting? welcome to G"DAMNIT! busy!"

Not so much some kind of uber-mama busy. We're not shuttling off to playroom and classes, but life is just nuts.

I'm done the novella 2, and the end is in sight for the novel, round 2. I get more and more messages as days go by, that people really love the novel ( and the novella, that little insanely kinky happy fun book) and that's really awesome.

I have now resorted to a mere "Oh brother" eye roll when people slag off self pub as a non-legit form of work, because I guess all you indie creators in OTHER fields, hey that's cool but you writers better be properly controlled.

And its not that I hate trad. publishing. I just don't see it as a benchmark of quality, because lardy have I read some bad big press fiction. To sell my books I'd have had to drastically alter the thing to something it's really not, to either a very very strictly hetero sort of romance to fit the paranormal romance thing, or ramped up the horror in a way I didn't want. I tried. I didn't like what it had become. So I stayed true to what I wanted and people are asking "when's the next one, I'm hooked".

And then there's the "Stephen king is the only writer" who's book they slavishly follow as the end all and be all final word on writing. "Stephen King SAYS..." Oh shut the fuck up. My only honest suggestion ever: finish the first draft. Do it. Get it done. THen you have something tangible, otherwise you find a hundred reasons why you haven't finished that draft but it'll be epic when you do! I was in an online writers forum way back in the internet dark ages and people would spend endless hours upon hours "researching" before committing one scene to type.

And people still dream that once they sign on with a big press, they can quit their day job. Truth is, I know several writers and only one full time writer for traditional press, and I know one on twitter who does the same in selfpub. So it's such a longshot.

Had a nightmare last night. R has continues this benevolent picking and I swear he just doesn't realize he does it. Pick.pick. Question. Pick. If something doesn't work, assumes I just did it wrong. Pick pick. I was in a white hot rage in my dream, having been pushed just too damn far with the constant stream of small nitpicks. I know he's pissed a bit that I gained back so much of the lost weight but dude.

He gets home and I've been watching S all day and ok he's at work, but there's no switch off for me. I STILL have to watch, because he gets on line, noodles around, plays on his phone and sets S on the floor to get into shit and S moves really fast so I have to drop what I'm doing to chase the kid while r's just...lalalala

I was thinking for a bit that something was seriously wrong with me because I'm just dead exhausted constantly and it's this. I never get a moment off. I had to go do a token grocery run because I wanted just 20 min where I didn't have S screaming in my ear. He's terribly fond of this pterodactylian screech!! and some days it just shatters my brain.

Took S to get his MMR last week. I have to find a new fucking office before I punch this one nurse-receptionist. Weighing S, she could NOT figure out how the slide balance scale worked, to the point I was ready to offer to do it. S was bawling his heart out and climbed out in tears before she was done, clinging to me. We got him to stand on the adult scale which is digital instead. One other visit she snapped at him for being fussy. This time she's "He's not EXACTLY 12m so we can't do the MMR." Uh bitch. Yes. You can. I made this appt specifically for that and if you tell me after our bus/subway schlep up here...

Thing is, Alberta, specifically where we're going, had a sizeable measles outbreak thankyou all you gobshite antivaxers and the health dept suggested ( a month ago?) that all infants 6-12 in the area or travelling TO, get the MMR. My sister's kid is unvaxed, supposedly. So. We get his before we go.

The nurses when I told them this were "weelllll it's their choice, they often wait til kid starts school" No. No No. Seriously. Waffling like fools on this? Vaccinate your fucking KID.

Playroom's fine, aside from the days where this nitwit mom shows up. She has a 7 weeker, and her 4 year old daughter, J. J is an asshole kid. J PINS OTHER KIDS down and steals their toys and then flips her shit when the victim takes the toy back. Mom sits on her duff and coos "J, no. J No. we'll leave if you don't listen." no actual action. Someone offers tantrumming J a soothing hug and J goes back to terrorizing other kids and mom just SITS there. J is an asshole child. Upside I over heard they were moving out of the area so they won't be at this drop in much longer.

Pride was ok, except once again R doesn't realize most booths were cash only ( so no grub) and we waited almost an hour for a friend to meet up with us because, as I discovered later, she'll shop one booth for 45 min to buy one T shirt. S was solidly exhausted. And the parade went for 5 or 6 hours, we only stayed for 2.

But fun.

Anyway. A shit ton of work to do, and my allergies are on the rampage and it's late so I'm crawling back to bed.

Need to cure R of that nitpick/pecking. I booked an appt at Apple's genius bar because my phone is wonk, and the only appts closest were canada day. Mall's open, so Ok. Booked. R was "are you SURE they have appointments?" well, yeah didn't just do this by "deciding " on a day and time. Went to their site. "Huh. Weird. ok. Are you sure". BOOK IT YOUR FUCKING SELF YOU JACKOFF IF YOU THINK I CAN"T READ A FUCKING WEB SITE PROPERLY.

Always with the presumption I've made a mistake. I'm incompetent, I need fixing and guidance and nudging and if I could just BE more perfect nudge peck peck peck. I'm so fucking sick of it. There will come a reckoning. And when I tell him to not do that he gets all defensive. I honestly think he has no idea he's doing it.

one week and a couple days till the travel slog starts. Wheee. SO much to get done. And he's questioning half my plans and shit. He doesn't travel well sometimes, he gets overwhelmed by detail and starts zoning out and being spacy because his brain blue-screens on me. And so I generally plan to be the kid-wrangler and ready to step in as he...dude's got some classic ADHD moments. not gonna lie.

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