Jun. 3rd, 2014

adventures in modern parenting!

Today at the playroom all the small ones were getting their yayas out in the gym, which is good because after a weekend of a cold, S had an abundance of yaya. I set him loose on the floor and he goes as usual, hellbent for leather, and he's getting red knees ( if I'd known it was a gym day I'd have put him in pants, but these are unscheduled things).

And then he gets all out of sync and kissed the floor. A tiny split lip, and I picked him up as he cried at the cruelty of gravity betraying him. He was calmed in a minute and "ok! lets go again!" and on to the floor and off and crawling, over it. He's fucking resilient.

All the other parents were "aghast! shock" and I'm, red knees and a floor kissing isn't that bad for him. He took a header off the bed and now he understands there's a drop. He flings himself forward and knows where the edge of the crib is. He's learning the limits of his environment and how it functions and how to assess that as he gets more mobile. This is not a bad thing. It sucks because the booboo count is high, but otherwise, this is why we now have to TELL people not to stand at the edge of crumbling cliffs, or that scaling an animal enclosure is a bad thing. Because they don't have the brains to figure it out, someone was always there to stop them if they were in danger.

Someone isn't always going to be there.

We let him get frustrated. We let him work out how to pull things into his crib. Doing it for him isn't helping. His job is to learn and work this stuff out. We're there when he needs it but we give him ample opportunity to work it out, we say "work it out, dude." he needs to learn frustration, coping with failure, earning success, persistence, resilience.

Today there was a 17m old kid that S fairly towers over, but the kid is vaguely aware S is a baby and therefore not fully "aware" of social norms at the toddler level. S kept going for the same toy the kid had and the other kid was getting fracked right off. S doesn't NEED that toy there's hundreds of others. I took the toy from S and handed it back to the kid. "SHARE!" hollers the other mom.

No. Your kid doesn't need to share, because mine's being grabby. Later other kid had a coveted Alligator pull along that S adores, and stalks the playroom for. He chased it as the other kid pulled it, and once in a while S caught it, and I'd peel his wee fingers off.

Forced sharing isn't a good lesson. That's "I want what you have and you want to be nice so you'll just give me what I want, right?" Not a good thing.

Voluntary sharing is "I like you and respect you and here, have some of my cake because I have some to give." we encourage that one.( well right now it seems to be germs.)

I'm so tired of cosseted, coddled, entitled kids. Let them get grubby. let them split a lip. Let them learn what its like when the universe doesn't hinge on their every whim. Honestly.

I like that my kid meets a variety of cultures and languages, and old people, homeless people, diversity. He's equally acccepting whoever greets him. This is a good lesson. ( the "watch out for iffy folk", that'll follow. I don't want to instill him with a fear of the world, that its dangerous and he must be coccooned. I want to say "this is the world, kid, here's your survival tips."

I just know too many adults who are helpless, needing parents to manage their schedule even as they work FT and go to school. If you're in college and you're 20, mommy shouldn't be bringing you to your doc's appts and sitting in. If you're in college and you're 20, you shouldn't have to give up your life to constantly entertain and thus make your assignments late because they monopolize your time. Cut the apron strings. If you're 20, you should all things being "normal within a range of normal", make a meal, find an apartment, open a bank account, do your laundry, manage your schedule and make mistakes. You should function as an adult not as a child.

radical concept, I know. I am so over the helpless adult syndrome, because their parents told them the world was scary and they're afraid to even call a cab, or take transit and could someone pleeeeese help them? Tired of people on FB who post "I wanna cupcake because I'm cute" and 30 people respond like pavlov's dog and offer cake. Get your own fucking cake, darling.

I'll be there to guide S, to teach him, to be the Mama in boots who has his back, but I'm not going to be some helicopter mama clearing all in his path. Nope. You might have to eat dirt a few times, kiddo. Its good for you.

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